Stomachache, Apprentice, and the Three Broomsticks
by mustardgirl1128
Summary: A Halloween Tale. For the HPFC's Halloween Challenge. "Al, Izzy and Rose, also known as The Three Broomsticks, are throwing this amazing annual-Halloween party, where everyone gorges on their candy and a hell of a lot of kissing goes on." LilyScorpius


"Are you coming tonight?"

_That's _the first thing the bastard asks me? _Are you coming tonight_? Hello, don't I look a tad _sick_ here?

"No, Scor, I will _not_ be coming tonight, on account of the fact that I'm practically dying, and am forbidden to eat candy. Of any kind. Or shape. Or color. Including you. Sorry."

Okay, so maybe I'm being a tad rude. But does he not notice that I am in the hospital wing? With the crazy apprentice-nurse staring at us like she's ready for a) something sexy to happen, or more likely b) something unruly to happen? _Unruly_, in her book, means anything that requires more than the vocal chords.

"No kissing allowed," I add, nodding towards the mad apprentice. He turns round rather suddenly and blushes in that cute way that only he has.

"What the hell is wrong with you, anyway?"

"I—" I take a deep breath, admitting to the shame—"I got drunk last night. On Firewhisky. Because of stupid Hugo and his stupid dares."

Scor bursts into near-hysterical laughter. The mad woman looks sharply at him, with that look like, _Does laughing use vocal chords_? I guess she decides it does, because she turns round with this little huff. Well, excuse us for having a good time.

Okay, well, Scor is having a good time. Me? I'm in _pain_. Serious pain. And my oh-so-lovely boyfriend prefers to ignore that fact, because he'd rather be laughing at me than comforting me.

"So, are you going?" I ask, looking rather mournful. Maybe _now_ he'll remember my plight.

"Well _duh_! What else could I do? It's my last year here—my last Halloween!"

My brother Al and my cousins Izzy and Rose (also known as The Three Broomsticks) are throwing this _amazing_ annual-Halloween party, where everyone gorges on their candy and a hell of a lot of kissing goes on. It's school-wide, mostly because Scor is in Slytherin and everyone else is in Gryffindor, and we _can't_ exclude Scor—shock! Horror! _No! _But we don't really care about our little sisters, who are in the hospital wing with a hell of a hangover because of her dear cousin. Oh no, no, no, who cares about her? She's just here to babysit Jenna.

Who is _not_ invited, of course. My baby sister is in second year. Second years don't go around making out with people, and lest they hook up, second years don't litter the boys' rooms with discarded bras and knickers. And second years most _definitely_ do not get drunk. Unless you're Teddy Lupin, my other mostly-cousin, who tried everything in his Hogwarts years because he didn't have parents to say no. It was tragic…he was on a steady decline towards madness till Dad said, "You're my fucking godson. You're the son of my friends. You will _live up to expectations_!" Yeah, he even swore in front of me and baby Jenna.

Anyway, yes, Jenna isn't invited to said party. I _was_ invited, but then I went and got drunk because of Hugo. Who is a fucking idiot. ("We're no longer cousins, Hugo," I told him when he came to visit me today.) Despite popular belief, this was my first time. _Ever_. And of course I have to do it on the eve of Halloween.

"C'mon, Lil, cheer up," Scor is saying. "I'll bring you leftover candy tomorrow. I promise."

"If you have sex with _anyone_ tonight, or even kiss them, Scorpius Hyperion Malfoy, I swear to Merlin I'll _kill _you!"

"For fuck's sake, Lily, I won't," he says pleasantly, ruffling my hair. "You really expect me to?"

"_Yes_. You kissed me when you were going out with Godiva!"

"Hah. Good times. Sorry, I really am, but she was no where near as hot as you."

"Thank you," I say. I lean back on the pillows and close my eyes. "Maybe this fucking headache will go away if I go to sleep, and then I can come tonight!"

"Yeah right," he says, stroking my hair.

"Mmm…g'night…" I say groggily, and then I'm out like a light.

* * *

When I dream, usually it's about Scor. Yep, I'll admit it. Scorpius, my adorable boyfriend, is the _owner_ of my dreams.

This time, he showed up, but only for a bit. Flashback dreams - most of the time, my least favorite...

"_Lily! Coming tonight?"_

"_How could I _not_?"_

"_Just checking. Al says it'll be a blast!"_

"_Aren't you in charge too, Rosie?"_

"_Yeah. But, well, he and Izzy are sort of taking care of the actual party. I do decorations, invitations…that sort of thing."_

"_Oh. Wow, I wish I could help plan it…"_

"_Sorry, Lil, it's _our_ party. We've had it since…fourth year. Oh, Merlin, nearly forgot – You've got to break it to Jen that she isn't invited. No first years are – it's a fourth and above thing."_

"_I _know_, Rose. But she's gonna be heartbroken! Can't you tell her?"_

"_No, she's your sister. Go, go, go! Make her happy about missing it."_

* * *

"_Jen! Hey, girl!"_

"_Hi, Lily! Tonight's the party, right?"_

"_Well, yeah. But Jenna, honey, you can't come tonight – there's going to be raving lunatics, drunks, hookers, sluts…Crap, Dad said I couldn't use those words around you…"_

"_Like I give a damn. C'mon, Lily! I _have_ to come!"_

"_I'm sorry, I really am! But the underclassmen – third and younger – are having their party in the Ravenclaw Common Room – Lorcan just told me. Go to that!"_

"_I hate being the youngest cousin!"_

"_I know, Jenna…But Sarah'll be there! And Kimmy. You've _got _to go!"_

"_Okay…I suppose if Dad forbade me to go to this one…"_

"_He did, Jenna, I'm sorry. In fourth year, though, alright? You know the rest of us will be continuing the tradition!"_

"_Yeah. I guess."_

"_I love you, Jenna."_

"_I love you too. See you at the Feast."_

"_Bye!"_

* * *

"_Thank Merlin Jenna isn't here!"_

"_I _know_. She'd be getting raped or something, Al!"_

"_Yeah. Listen, someone here wants to talk to you…Hey, Scor! Get your ass over here!"_

"_He better not be drunk."_

"_He isn't – yet."_

"_Christ – is he the staggering bloke?"_

"No_, Lil, he's the Malfoy."_

"_Oh my _God_. He's beautiful."_

"_Hi. I'm, uh, Scor Malfoy. Nice to meet you, Lily."_

"_H-Hi. The pleasure's all mine. Dance?"_

"_How old are you?"_

"_Al? Should I lie?"_

"_Yeah, Lil, lie."_

"_I can hear you…"_

"_I'm a fifth year."_

"_I'm not even going to figure this out…"_

"_Hah. Well, if you want to know me, you better try!"_

"_Yes. I'll dance with you."_

* * *

"Lily! Lily, wake up! It's five to midnight!"

My beautiful boyfriend, charming as ever even in a vampire costume, stands over me with a smile. "Dance?"

I grin groggily up at him. "Depends. How old are you?"

My brother, a strange-looking ghost, standing by, smiles. "Lie, Scor."

"I'm fifth year," he says, picking me up off the bed in a fluid movement. "Just like you."

"Should I try to figure that out?"

"You better try."

"Yes, I'll dance with you," I murmur, and Scorpius kisses me.

* * *

This would have been the perfect end to a perfect little Halloween-story if the mad nurse-lady hadn't come out just as Al is shrieking, "_Gross_!"

Which _so_ uses the vocal chords. But I guess she's so pissed about me and Scor making out in her hospital wing that she changes into a black cat and rushes towards us with this evil gleam in her eye. I almost scream, "Mrs. Norris!" except that I'm still kissing Scor, and besides, Filch is nowhere to be found.

"Mrs. Norris isn't _black_," Al tells me later, but whatever. It's Halloween, I'm making out with my hot boyfriend, the mad apprentice feels the need to attack us, and I've got a stomachache to end all stomachaches.

Anyway, after she's skittered across the floor for a bit looking absolutely off her hinges, she changes back and tries to act all dignified. Scor and I haven't really ceased our kissing, so there! Scor stops kissing me then, though, and changes the pathetic little paper hat an inebriated Hugo made for me last night into a sleek black witches' hat. I grab it and begin to model it.

Al is munching on some sort of candy bar. "Share!" I say.

"_No_! It's _my _Muggle Twix!"

"We are no longer siblings!" I tell him. Scorpius begins to eat _his_ Muggle – er, Hershey Bar, I think it's called? "Share!" I insist again.

"No can-do, babe. This one's mine."

"We're breaking up!" I tell him. It's then that I notice my own candy bar – a nice, Wizarding kind – on my bed. "Okay, crisis averted."

They laugh, the bastards, and then Scor smiles. "C'mon. You're coming to this party, if I have to drag you there."

* * *

"Is it really over? Oh man, I thought it was just the beginning…" Hugo says, round five AM the next morning. We're kind of shepherding people out, the Three Broomsticks, Scor, and me.

"Yeah, dunce head. It is." Rose doesn't have even an ounce of sympathy for her brother…And to tell the truth, neither do I.

"Once upon a time," I say, in the Halloween myth fashion, "on a dark and stormy thirtieth of October, a poor, innocent fifteen-year-old was hanging out with her cousin. It was the eve of Halloween, and she was so excited that she foolishly allowed her cousin to get her drunk, on a dare. She murdered him the next morning. The end!"

Hugo had only had a single Butterbeer last night, but he can't quite hold his alcohol. We laugh at him as he staggers round, staring at us and not even getting my amazing story.

"Does anyone think Muggle trick-or-treating is _dumb_? It's so much better to have a party!" Izzy says. She's the Third Broomstick, and proud of it. Though she's also the daughter of Uncle Percy, which she isn't so proud of.

"I second that notion. We're just too awesome to go round knocking on people's doors at five AM when Hugo's still drunk." Scor grabs a Butterbeer bottle from the floor and throws it into the big bin we're using for garbage.

"I'm hosting next year…and you four better come round. Or I'll kill you – I swear I will!"

"Lily, you're my hero."

"Yeah, it takes a lot to follow in our fantastic footsteps."

"Still, we know you can do it."

Scor just shakes his head and kisses me, and that's better than the Three Broomsticks' praise anyway.

* * *

A/N: Written for the Halloween Challenge, over at the HPFC. This was great fun to write – I hope you liked reading it as much as I liked writing it! Happy Halloween!

(Trick or treat…leave a review?)


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